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Saturday, 10 May 2014
Saturday, 10 May 2014
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5 Signs He's Falling In Love With You
Women’s Health's Guy Next Door tips you off to the dead giveaways
SHUTTERSTOCK
Men aren't always the best at expressing our emotions. It's not that we can'ttalk about our feelings—we just don't even stop to think about them very often. Emotion, especially the lovey-dovey stuff, is kind of like elevator music to us. It plays softly in the back of our heads, but most of the time, we're barely listening.
That's why I sympathize with any woman trying to figure out how a guy really feels. Most of the time, the guy probably doesn't even know. Sure, he was just in the emotional elevator this morning, but he was too busy checking his phone for Twitter updates to notice what was coming out of the speakers.
But ladies, there is hope. Because even if your guy doesn't immediately tell you how much he adores you, he's probably giving off signs that he's falling for you. Here's what to look out for:
He Sends Stupid Text Messages
The more banal the message, the more love-drunk he is. For instance, if he texts to tell you he's drinking a margarita or that he just saw a cat that looks like yours, he's been struck by Cupid's bow. What he's really saying is, "I remember you said you like margaritas," and "I don't even mind that your cat hates men." He's also saying, "Right now I wish you, and your evil cat, and I were all drinking margaritas together."
He Calls You—Ever
There are three reasons men pick up the phone: (a) for work, (b) for emergencies, or (c) to hear someone's voice. And if you're not a co-worker or a 911 operator, then it's your voice that he's interested in. That's a true sign of lurve.
He Stops Getting Quite so Many Texts From Others
Girls only text guys that text them back, right? So if she stops texting, it means he did, too. Or it means he put his foot down. I once had a girl who kept texting me silly stuff late at night after I'd already started developing feelings for another girl. So I told Ms. Texty to stop. Hey—that's not an easy thing to do! You have to be pretty sure you want out of the dating pool before you drain it entirely.
He Asks for Style Advice
"What should I write in my brother's birthday card?" "Do these shoes look OK with these pants?" "What color sweater should I buy for my dog?" These are all questions guys only ask if they are drunk on love hormones.
You Hear His Buddies Giving Him a Hard Time
Nobody knows your guy better than his friends. So listen up: If they say something about how he's been a turd of a wingman lately, or if they ask him whether he's misplaced his testicles, they're not just being vulgar. They're actually making astute observations about subtle behavioral changes that you may not have picked up on. So thank those knuckleheads because now you know your guy's putty in your hands.
Link http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/signs-he-loves-you?
Friday, 9 May 2014
Friday, 9 May 2014
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How to Overcome Stress in a Relationship
Relationship stress can cause physical and emotional problems.
Relationship stress can come from each individual’s need to address personal concerns or from issues within the relationship, such as household finances, a lack of communication or diminished excitement. Stress doesn’t have to become so bad it causes serious relationship strife or -- even worse -- physical or psychological health challenges. Finding healthy ways to cope with relationship stress can revitalize the partnership and improve overall health.
Identify Stress Symptoms
When you are able to identify stress symptoms you will be better equipped to handle them when they arise. Do you have an overexcited stress response -- as described by Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., Melinda Smith, M.A., and Lawrence Robinson in the HelpGuide.org article titled "Stress Relief in the Moment: Using Your Senses to Quickly Change Your Response to Stress" -- and become snappish and short-tempered toward your partner when you are stressed? Does your partner have an underactive stress response and become moody and withdrawn? In her Psych Central articled titled "How Couples Can Help Each Other De-Stress and Improve Their Relationship," quoting author and licensed clinical social worker Judy Ford, Margarita Tartakovsky reports that “Couples often become so accustomed to unchecked stress that they barely recognize and often overlook the destructive ramifications.” Tartakovsky also notes that dependence on mild-altering substances, such as alcohol and illicit drugs, can also indicate increased stress levels. Learn to identify the signs of stress in you and your partner so that you can address the problem.
Individual and Couple Self-Care
In order for you to address the stress within your relationship, you must first be able to manage your own stress levels. Stress has both positive and negative effects, and the negative effects of stress -- also known as strain -- often lead to depression, irritability, anxiety and difficulty concentrating, according to clinical psychologist Larry Nadig in his article titled "Stress: A Health and Relationship Killer." Learning to indulge in routine self-care can help to minimize stress symptoms. You and your partner should routinely practice healthy eating habits, engage in physical activity and relaxation techniques, such as yoga and mindfulness, to manage stress. As a couple, you can also take walks together or engage in other forms of exercise. Taking baths together, giving each other massages and nurturing sexual intimacy in your relationship are also ways to de-stress as a couple.
Effective Communication
An inability to effectively communicate with your partner -- during typical conversational exchanges or during conflicts -- can increase stress within your relationship. Feeling that your partner doesn’t listen to you can be annoying, and constantly nagging about things can cause your partner to be stressed as well. Before attempting to iron out a conflict, ensure that you and your partner calm yourselves using deep-breathing techniques. Practice active listening, which includes not interrupting your partner, maintaining eye contact and using nonverbal cues to show you are listening. When ironing out conflicts, seek compromises and win-win solutions instead of approaching the situation from the stance of "It’s my way or the highway.”
Help Your Partner
If you notice that your significant other is a little overwhelmed, offer to be of assistance. Ask if there’s anything you can do to help, recommends Tartakovsky. Offer to take your partner's car to the car wash or to call a lawn care service to help with lawn maintenance for the month while your partner catches up on work. Take the kids out of the home for several hours to allow your significant other some time to rest peacefully. When your partner’s stress levels are diminished, so is the stress in the relationship, so seek to help out as best you can for the overall benefit of the relationship.
Link http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/decrease-relationship-stress/
Ten Secrets to a Successful Approach
You see an attractive woman. You don’t know her. You have no “excuse” to talk to her. Can you walk up to her and start a conversation – the kind of conversation that’s going to lead to attraction and more?
This is a skill any man can master. And one no man can afford to ignore – if you can’t comfortably talk to strangers, you’ve excluded 99.9% of the women whose path you’re going to cross in life.
So if you’re not approaching SUCCESSFULLY and CONSISTENTLY, then I want you to follow me here. It won’t cost you a cent. Just print out this list of 10 things, keep it with you, and read it every time you’re out somewhere where there are beautiful women. Master these and your life WILL change.
This is a skill any man can master. And one no man can afford to ignore – if you can’t comfortably talk to strangers, you’ve excluded 99.9% of the women whose path you’re going to cross in life.
So if you’re not approaching SUCCESSFULLY and CONSISTENTLY, then I want you to follow me here. It won’t cost you a cent. Just print out this list of 10 things, keep it with you, and read it every time you’re out somewhere where there are beautiful women. Master these and your life WILL change.
- Do “warm up sets” before you get to the bar/club/party/park. Somewhere nearby, do a few approaches that “don’t count” until you’re in a talkative, social state of mind. The world’s best pick up artists do this.
- Be “social” not a “shark.” The guy who walks into a bar, circles around a few times, and then gets the courage to approach women one by one is going home alone. Women KNOW this type. Talk socially to everyone and have fun – you’re not a starving hunter desperate for a meal.
- Smile. That one’s easy.
- Have a couple of “go-to” openers – things you can say to start a conversation that you KNOW will work. You don’t need 50, 500, or 5000. 3 or 4 is just fine. Pick a couple you like from the PUA Routines Manual – it’s 200 pages of guaranteed ‘things to say’ from approaching to seduction that actual top pickup artists use in their personal life.
- Approach right away. Once she notices you looking (she will -- women have eyes in the back of their head), you’re either going to be “confident” or “creepy,” so be confident and approach.
[More advanced guys can play the eye contact game, but if you’re having trouble successfully starting a conversation 99% of the time, keep it simple]
- Use relaxed, confident body language. Get your wingman to watch you and critique. For a complete video course with live examples (including using body language to escalate physically), there’s nothing better than the Beyond Words Home Study Course featuring Cajun and Vercetti. (There are some videos to start with right on that link)
- It doesn’t matter who she is with. Attractive women rarely do things alone. So get used to the idea that you’re going to have to meet the people she is with at the same time as you meet her. (Day Game is sometimes an exception to this). Whether her friends are male or female, approach anyway. If she’s off-limits, they’ll tell you. We don’t have space to go into this in detail here, but women who have guys in their group are more likely to have a same-night encounter anyway.
- Eye contact. There’s another easy one. Split it equally among everyone in her group.
- Project your voice. OK, I’m not a successful Shakespearean actor like Daniel Vercetti – he could give you the drills that professionals use. (His presentation at last year’s Super Conference was nothing short of extraordinary… even instructors were taking notes.) Here’s what I did when I had to learn this… before there even was a Love Systems: put your hand on your chest, just below your pectorals. Experiment with your voice until you can feel vibrations in your hand. That’s the way you want to talk. Be too loud rather than too quiet.
- Have something to say – you’re going to have to do 90% of the talking at first. Don’t keep talking about whatever your opener was about. When she starts breaking into the conversation, asking your name, where you’re from, what you do for a living – that’s when you know she’s attracted.
Link http://www.lovesystems.com/dating-advice/approaching/secrets-approach
How to Approach Women
Learning how to talk to women can seem like a daunting task. We can simplify this whole process by dividing your time with a woman into sections including: approaching, transitioning, attracting, qualifying, and building comfort. This system described in love systems boot camps can be used to describe the emotional, physical, and logistical progression you must make in order to get the girl. Learning how to approach women, the first thing you need to do to start this process to eventually get the girl most guys are reluctant to do this and shy away from opportunities to converse by making up excuses like "she probably has a boyfriend," "she's not my type," or "she looks like a bitch." But these rationales are nonsense. What's really going on is one of two things:
- You don't know what to say to a girl.
- You're afraid of being rejected.
If you ask anyone in the pick up community about what to say to a girl, they'll tell you that the subject matter or "line" you begin with doesn't really matter. What does matter is the way you speak and your body language.
When you approach a girl for the first time, she will form an instant impression of you in a split second. If that impression is good, you'll get a positive response almost no matter what you say. If that impression is bad, she'll likely be cold and disinterested, signaling her lack of enthusiasm by giving very short answers, looking away from you, or even ignoring you.
So how can we make sure this first impression is a good one?
First, take on a confident body language and ensure you have a command presence when you make your initial approach. Keep your head up, relax your shoulders, hold your drink to the side (not in front of you like most guys do) and walk slowly. Imagine you are the owner of the venue and you're walking over to ask a customer if she's enjoying your bar. You know how people say "that guy acts like he owns the place or something?" That guy should be you. This is a very important aspect of learning how to approach women. If you project the right image through positive body language, you'll find that instantaneous rejection will be very rare. Women will at least converse with you, even if they don’t end up hopping in your bed.
When you approach a girl for the first time, she will form an instant impression of you in a split second. If that impression is good, you'll get a positive response almost no matter what you say. If that impression is bad, she'll likely be cold and disinterested, signaling her lack of enthusiasm by giving very short answers, looking away from you, or even ignoring you.
So how can we make sure this first impression is a good one?
First, take on a confident body language and ensure you have a command presence when you make your initial approach. Keep your head up, relax your shoulders, hold your drink to the side (not in front of you like most guys do) and walk slowly. Imagine you are the owner of the venue and you're walking over to ask a customer if she's enjoying your bar. You know how people say "that guy acts like he owns the place or something?" That guy should be you. This is a very important aspect of learning how to approach women. If you project the right image through positive body language, you'll find that instantaneous rejection will be very rare. Women will at least converse with you, even if they don’t end up hopping in your bed.
For some examples of what to say to a girl, check out our discussion of pick up lines.
The next critical thing to remember is that rejection is no big deal. There is no reason to be afraid of it. Why? Because she is not rejecting you as a person. She doesn’t know you, your family, your friends, your background, etc. She is only rejecting your method of approach. Essentially, she is giving you feedback on your body language, telling you that some visual cue from your body and actions is not appealing. Take that criticism and think about what you did wrong. How did you feel walking over? Were you completely relaxed? Were you nervous? The only way to learn is to practice, make mistakes, analyze, and repeat.
If you want to learn how to approach women, you need to approach them regularly. Before going out, set the goal of approaching 4 girls before you are allowed to go home. If you go out three times a week, you'll do 12 approaches a week. After two months, you'll have approached close to 100 girls! That's probably more approaches than most guys have done in their entire lives!
Link http://www.lovesystems.com/dating-advice/approaching/how-to-approach-women
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