5 Reasons not to stay friends after a breakup
Saturday, 21 December 2013 by Unknown
Let's Be Friends... Not
Often when couples break up, to let the other one down easy, the
dumper proposes just being friends. This is not a good idea. Each person
needs a certain amount of time to get over the breakup before deciding
on a new form the relationship can take. The only reason to stay friends
immediately after a split is to secure a shot at getting back together.
Unfortunately, it only ensures that you cannot or will not let go and
take the brave step into the life of being single and authentically
moving on.
Staying in touch and trying to be friends after a split fuels hope.
Hope is easy to get hooked on, but it doesn’t promote your forward
moving progress. It is not possible for emotions to go from being in
love to just friends in a nanosecond. The mind may convince you this is
so, but it is not possible. The heart moves much slower than the mind.
Take time before trying to be friends.
When you hit the gray area and one of you is more in love than the
other, the one with the greatest need will suffer the most. If your
partner cannot commit to you but they don’t want anyone else to have you
and you allow this, this is a recipe for emotional disaster. This puts
you into a place of being strung along emotionally and your partner can
always use the excuse that they are doing nothing wrong because you
agreed to just be friends.
3
Because you cannot move on
If you choose to remain friends, you are still stuck in the same spot
in your love life that you were when you were together, and you cannot
make room for new people, events and circumstances to come your way. Nor
do you carve out any time to heal. You essentially stay hooked to your
ex and cannot move on. You must face the emptiness for a while, so you
can get back to loving yourself enough to set the correct boundaries.
4
It won't make you feel less alone
If you are so afraid to be alone and going through the pain that you
would rather hang onto any table scrap your ex offers, this makes you
desperate and needy, and this also doesn't make you a good friend. You
must face being alone, learn to love yourself again and let go so you
can change your own life for the better.
A breakup changes everything about the relationship you had. You
cannot be affectionate and loving like you used to be whenever you feel
like it. There will always be that awkwardness between you until you
both are completely over each other. You must question if staying
friends with you ex is worth sacrificing your peace of mind. Your peace
of mind should be your number one commitment because without peace of
mind, you cannot heal.
The bottom line
It is of far stronger character to be able to let go than to defend
and hang on. Letting go is a part of life. We hardly ever get to decide
how life is going to show up for us and life surely brings us pain, loss
and rejection. We can feel so vulnerable to wanting to avoid these
feelings that we are willing to hang onto a relationship that is not
supposed to be for us anymore.
To grow and mature, it is best to accept what hurts and move on. As
you do this, your life will change, you will change and with time away
from your ex, you will also begin to see that maybe they just weren’t as
great as the version of them that you thought they were or wanted them
to be.
Little life message: If someone is leaving your life, it's because something better is about to enter.
Tags:
Advice ,
Love
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